The Heart's Secrets
by Sakuras Heart Healer
Summary: Kaien's wife dies by Rukia's hand that fateful night and he lives, what will life through at Kaien now, and what is the big secret he's hidding from everyone and why does it envolve a certian adopted Kuchiki?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok I'm gonna be going on like a Kaien and Rukia kick for a little while cause its all so depressing between them it makes me so sad

A/N: Ok I'm gonna be going on like a Kaien and Rukia kick for a little while cause its all so depressing between them it makes me so sad.!! So I decided to give Kaien and Rukia a little happiness, though it starts out really sad…Please enjoy!

A/N: ok in this story Kaien's wife Miyako is the one being controlled the hollow still so read and find out what happeneds!!

Prolog

Kaien's POV

The rain pounded against my body as I raced through the trees. The numbing cold began to creep across my skin but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the limbs and needles of trees whipping across my face and body. I felt nothing but the blood pumping in my ears and the adrenaline rushing through my system. I had left Captain Ukitake behind long ago his illness preventing him from following properly tonight. _Of all nights_ I had heard him curse before falling into a fitful coughing fits. _Go on quickly,_ he had ordered waving me away as others from our squad attended to him quickly. I obeyed without a single thought.

I had to get to Rukia before Miyako did. I had to stop Miyako from hurting Rukia. The girl was to young, to inexperienced to die so soon. _Rukia please wait, I'll be there soon._

"M-Miyako!" I heard Rukia's scream and felt my blood freeze. I'd never heard such horror, sheer terror from Rukia before. I feared that Miyako had killed the girl and as I broke through the trees into a small clearing I stopped dead.

I stared at Rukia's tiny frightened frame shaking in the rain. Her beautiful sword sticking from a woman's body. I walked slowly towards them, my steps light unbelieving. Rukia had one arm around the woman's back crying into her dear friend's shoulder. The other hand held the hilt of her sword, and it was dripping with blood. I saw the woman's lips moving and her hand slid down from Rukia's back. Rukia's tears increased as the woman died in her arms.

My heart sank and I dropped to my knees besides my wife. Rukia looked at me her eyes filled with horror as the rain mixed with the blood on her face. I saw the grief, and terror shinning through her violet eyes.

"Vice C-Captain I-I…" her voice choked on the words she wanted to speak and I managed somehow to grin at her.

"Don't worry Rukia, you did the right thing. Miyako was able to leave her heart with you." I said softly carefully pulling her away from my wife's corpse. I laid her down and pulled the sword from her stomach. Dropping Rukia's sword to the ground I bent over Miyako's body.

"I'm sorry my dear Miyako." I whispered smoothing her black hair from her beautiful still face. She looked pale under the rain but she was like a sleeping angel. I could hear Rukia's sobs over the rain I felt the need to comfort her but I couldn't move away from my beautiful wife. I stared at the face and felt guilt build in my gut. _Miyako…_

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to save you from the hollow." I straightened her uniform a little better; she always hated to have a messy uniform. I heard the leaves rustle around me but didn't acknowledge the man that stepped out, breathless.

"K-Kaien?" I ignored my captain's voice and motioned towards Rukia. He went to the young girl and I flinched when she cried out for forgiveness from me. Her voice raised the hairs on my neck and sent my heart hammering. Every instinct told me to go to her, but I did not move. I closed my eyes trying to block out her cries but they were still there. They would always be there. Rukia had killed my wife.

A/N: Ok so this is really sad to me and I hate to write it but it has to be…Please review and I'll have the next chapter up soon promise! I have three other chapters to work on as well so sorry if its not updated within two days but it should be….maybe….Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A/N: I own nothing!! Thanks for the reviews hope the second chapters good Thanks for reading and enjoy!!

Chapter 2

Rukia's POV

When I felt the hot sun pour through my room I flinched. The blinding sun burned my eyes as I laid there on my bed feeling miserable. Yes being awake was a way to escape the reliving of that horrible night, but it was an entirely different nightmare now, and it was just as bad.

I sat up feeling the tears rise again. It had been three days since I killed Miyako and Kaien hadn't come back yet. He'd left the morning after his wife's death and hadn't returned. Captain Ukitake told me not worry, he was only visiting his family and mourning his wife's death. I had killed Miyako. I killed one of my friends. I didn't deserve to live anymore. I wished I was the one that had died that night; I wish I could take the place of Miyako so she could still be with Kaien. So Kaien didn't have to suffer. Rukia wished she didn't have to carry the burden of Miyako's death and her heart.

Normal POV

Rukia stood outside her Captain's office her violet eyes glazing over as they swept back and forth over the tree line. _Kaien._ Ukitake had said he was returning today. It had been a week now. A week since that horrible night Rukia drove her sword through one of her friends. Miyako and Rukia had become the best of friends in the short time they'd know one another. After a strange visit with Kaien he'd dragged her to meet his wife and they'd made a bond almost immediately. Now she was dead, because of her.

Rukia's eyes snapped back over a patch of trees. She had seen them rustling. Her heart jumped into her throat as they parted. Kaien stepped out and amazingly when he saw Rukia waiting for him he smiled.

"Hey Kuchiki!" He shouted waving his arm up in the air. Rukia couldn't believe his reaction and she felt tears leap to her eyes, but she fought them back along with the urge to run to Kaien.

"How ya been?" He asked stopping a foot away from her. She couldn't speak her eyes just glued themselves to him and filled with great guilt and sadness. Kaien titled his head to the side his smile turning into a scowl.

"Do I have to teach you to respond to your vice captain again Kuchiki?" He asked grabbing her head in one large hand. He ruffled her head bringing her face close to his. Her eyes widened and she stuttered a response on instinct. Kaien grinned removing his hand from her head. He started to walk past her but he stopped and placed a hand on her shoulder with a sigh.

"Its nice to see you again Rukia." He said softly then walked into the office letting out a big happy hello to Ukitake.

A/N: Sorry this one's so short but I ran out of ideas for it but next one will be longer promise!! You can send suggestions if you'd like I'd love to hear your predictions and ideas!! Thanks for Reading please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello I'm back sorry got shipped away again and wasn't able to update as soon as I would have liked but back lol…this cha**

**A/N: Hello I'm back sorry got shipped away again and wasn't able to update as soon as I would have liked but back lol…this chapter takes place when Kaien's gone for the week just like the night before he leaves to come back and so forth. Please enjoy!**

**Chapter 3**

_Flash back before he reached the barracks where Rukia was last chapter_

**Kaien POV**

"You know you don't have to go back so soon." I looked over at my younger sister as she spoke and managed a weak grin.

"I know, but I need to go back." I saw the defiant frown come across her face but I was not going to be swayed not even a day longer, not even an hour. _I just miss her so much._ I felt a pang in my body as I thought that. I sighed ashamed of my own thoughts, but it was how I felt and there was no denying the feelings.

"Of whom are you thinking?" Kukaku asked sipping at her tea with her eyes glued to me. I gave her a little half grin and shook my head. She always had a disturbing way of reading my thoughts no matter how hard I tried to hide them from her.

"I'm a little ashamed at myself for thinking of her, but what can you do when you're in love?" I scratched the back of my head and forced the happy sound of laughter out my mouth. I saw Kukaku's eyes pierce through me and knew I was found out.

"You didn't answer my questions. Who are you thinking about?" She leaned forward her face challenging me to lie to her. I narrowed my eyes, then looked away from her gaze.

"Its obvious no?" My voice shook just a little and I closed my jaw in attempts to hold back emotions I didn't want to show just yet.

"Kaien please don't go back so soon. I don't think you're ready." She begged me softly. I shook my head.

"I'll be fine."

**Normal POV**

The next day Kaien waved goodbye to his younger siblings and started off for home.

He stopped smiling and waving once he reached the trees and nearly collapsed. Leaning against the scratchy bark of the large trees around him he felt his vision cloud again. The shadows danced across the ground as the wind swayed the trees. All the emotions and feelings he had been trying to hold back seemed to crash against his nerves like a tsunami. He _was _ready to go home. He needed to be there. Yes he missed Miyako but Rukia had a right to know the truth…about everything.

**Kaien POV**

I finally made it home. Taking one deep breath I took the last few steps out of the forest. When I saw her standing on the deck outside the Captain's office I thought I would die. At first her eyes looked like they would pop from her skull when she saw me, but then slowly the returned to their normal size. I smiled at her and even at this distance I saw her tears welling up. I fought with every nerve in my body keeping my pace slow and casual as I approached her.

"Hey Kuchiki!" I yelled waving at her. I was surprised with the amount of cheerfulness I managed to drag up my throat, but then again it was natural in her presence. The stunned look on her face was priceless and I knew I made the right choice in coming back. She needed me right now.

"How ya been?" I asked stopping in front of her. She didn't say anything and the guilty sad look in her eyes was depressing to see. I tried to lighten her mood by acting like nothing had happened. She reacted just the same way she had when I first met her but as I passed her I couldn't hold myself back.

"Its nice to see you again Rukia." In those simple words she was clueless to the true depth of them. I pulled my hand away as I walked into the office and felt the skin tingling still. _Damn _I thought balling it into a fist.

When I walked into the office I let out a happy hello just to add a little cheerfulness as I left Rukia on the deck. I closed the door behind me sighing as I glimpsed her wiping at her face.

The Captain looked up from his paper work and instead of the smile I was expecting he frowned at me. I sensed the seriousness of his mood and went to his desk.

"What's wrong Captain?" I asked my voice firm.

"That man wants to see you," He paused his eyes filled with a sudden fatherly concern, "And Rukia."

**A/N: Ok this chaptes slightly longer but not much sorry….More to come soon Thanks for reading please Review!! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N; I own nothing

A/N; I own nothing.

Chapter 4

Kaien shook his head as he stared at his captain coolly. He was not expecting this and wasn't prepared for it. He hadn't expected to be approached by that man.

"Why Rukia?" Kaien's voice shook just slightly as he watched his captain stand from behind his desk. He coughed lightly then continued to speak to Kaien in a hushed voice so Rukia wouldn't be able to hear them if she was still on the deck.

"She is the one who ki-" Ukitake's voice shut off abruptly when he saw the look on Kaien's face. It was a murderous look daring Ukitake to finish that sentence.

"She didn't kill her. Miyako was dead long before her body died. Rukia….She didn't kill her." Kaien's eyes shown with a rage that took his captain by surprise, and he thought he knew Kaien.

"Well what ever the details he is _demanding_ that he see you two." Ukitake was just as pleased as Kaien by that man's request but he had no right to with information from him no matter how much he knew it would hurt. Even after what had happened between Kaien and Miyako he was still in love with her.

"Well he's gonna have to settle for me." Kaine moved across the room slamming down into his chair. Ukitake frowned at his lieutenant. Kaien started to shuffle through papers and look at them. He was trying to keep busy when there was nothing for him to do. Ukitake had made sure there would be nothing when he returned.

"But Rukia should be the one to decied if she can go or not." Ukitake started but Kaien closed his eyes, his jaw tight a sign to be taken seriously.

"She doesn't need to get involve with things she doesn't even know anything about." Kaien growled trying to resist the urge to shout. Rukia wasn't ready, he knew it.

"You mean," Ukitake breathed in surprised, "You never told her?" Kaien's lips quirked.

"She wasn't ready."

Rukia sat alone under the shade by the pond. Her mind swam with her memories of this spot. She'd sat here on many occasions with Kaien and this spot, she ran her hand over the grass, this was the spot he had said the words that had made feel so safe. He said he would always be there for her, and she could always come to him with any problem she had. A sad smile slipped across her face as she remembered. She'd sat here with Miyako too. She had been a good friend, a mother, or big sister figure to her. Miyako helped her adjust to the soul reaper life and that of her new family. It was a difficult road and will be more so now. Still, the smile remained as she thought of the happy days she'd spent here.

"There's my old Rukia." Rukia's smile fell away startled by the voice. Kaien sat down besides her just like old times. He turned his dark eyes on her a half grin placed at his lips. But this was different. Rukia could barely stand to look at Kaien knowing that she had killed his wife. She knew how much he had loved Miyako she had been jealous on more then one occasion but she'd always respect her.

"How ya feeling?" She looked at the pond in front of them. Unable to see his face she took the pond in as comfort trying to hold back her sadness and guilt.

"That bad huh?" He sighed scratching the back of his neck. Silence over took them for a time as they both were deep in thought.

(A/n: Kaien's thoughts _**like this,**__ Rukia's thoughts like this _:D)

_**Its not the same when she's so sad, I wish I could make her smile again.**_

_Why is he sitting here with me? How can he even stand to look at me, I murdered his beloved wife, I don't deserve to live._

_**Damn, what am I going to do? I can't tell her anything when she's like this, It will just have to wait till later. But I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for her.**_

___I'm sorry Kaien, I want to say it but I can't open my mouth without crying. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm so weak I don't deserve to sit here with him when Miyako's dead._

_**Don't worry Rukia, I promise things will get better I just have to take care of a few things. I wont let anything hurt you again. Now why can't I just say that out loud?**_

___Even now I want him to speak to me like old times, I want his comfort but I don't deserve it._

__"Rukia I have to take care of a few things. I'll be gone for a day or so." Rukia's violet eyes lifted from the pond staring straight ahead in sadness. _Don't go, _She wanted to say but she had no right to hold him here. But still her heart ached greatly as it imagined the sleepless nights, the deafening sound of rain in her dreams. Her heart ached knowing Kaien would be gone.

"Will you be alright?" He put his hand on her shoulder making her look back at him. Her eyes were filled with such pain and misery. _No, no I wont be alright Don't go!_

"I will be fine, Sir." He flinched involuntary at her submissive tone. He withdrew his hand and stood. Rukia closed her eyes keeping face passive and calm.

"Try to cheer up Rukia. Everything will be alright." He whispered to her before walking away. Her hands clutched at her kimono as she listened to him go.

"D-don't go Kaien." She whispered helplessly as all was quiet around her once more.

Kaien stood out by the tree line a good distance from anyone that would bother him. He folded his strong arms across his chest and sighed. When was he gonna show up? He didn't want to be gone longer then was necessary. Kaien heard the leaves rustle just as a soft cooling breeze moved across him.

"Lieutenant." Kaien turned around as the tall man stepped out from the trees. His face was pale eyes red and sleepless. He had short brown hair with bangs that fell around his face. His dark blue eyes made him strikingly handsome, Kaien understood why Miyako chose him.

"About time." Kaien said trying to sound causally. _**The pain this man must be feeling **_Kaien thought frowning inside.

"Where is she?" The man demanded staring at Kaien his eyes filled with hatred.

"Where is the one that murdered my Miyako!" He shouted at Kaien.

"Calm down Kyo (orignall I know sorry couldn't think of a name!). I didn't want Rukia involved in this. What ever you need to ask, say it to me." Kyo's face drew back in rage but was overcome with grief.

"You must really care about her, to keep her out of this. Does she even know what Miyako and you were planning?" Kaien's lips tightened and he sighed.

"Everyone's been asking me that lately, and no she doesn't know." Kyo gave a half grin and shook his head.

"I miss her smile." Kyo said softly looking up at Kaien.

"I loved Miyako so much." Kaien smiled and nodded.

"I know I loved her too."

A/N: Hehe probably a bad ending to the chapter but I had to stop or else it would have been a really really long chapter lol Thanks for Reading and please Review


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Ok here's next chapter sorry it took longer then I expected had a brick wall slam in front of me suddenly but here you go!

Chapter 5

Rukia looked up on the deck after her duties were over. The sun was just beginning to dip below the trees. Another day gone, another painful night of dreams ahead of her. She sighed lowering her eyes sadly to the ground below.

"Hey Kuchiki!" Rukia turned her head surprised to see Kaien coming out of the woods. He had his hand in the air in a non moving wave and a grin on his face. She was genially surprised to see him he was back earlier then he'd said. She felt her stomach warm and her face pulled back at the corners slightly.

"You're back early." Rukia said as he stopped by her side. His eyes flowed down the valley and glued to the sun set. His face smoothed out handsomely as a pleased smile grew on his face. Rukia stared up at him her violet eyes filled with a caring fondness for Kaien. She looked away though, she had no right to think of Kaien that way.

"Hey Rukia, can I talk to you later on tonight?" Kaien asked suddenly turning away from the sunset as the darkness settled around them. Rukia looked up at him surprised but nodded.

"Of course, Sir." She answered. He grinned and ruffled her hair.

"Come by my room in three hours I have things I need to take care of." With that said Kaien removed his hand from her head and walked away. Rukia watched him leave wandering what it was he wished to speak with her about.

_**Flashback**_

_"When are you going to tell Rukia the truth?" Kyo asked sitting cross legged in front of him. _

_"Well I don't know really." Kaien muttered scratching his head like he did when he was nervous. _

_"Well Miyako wouldn't have wanted you to wait forever!" Kyo exclaimed frowning at Kaien. He sighed and glared at the grass._

_"I know." He knitted his brows thinking of his late wife, but as he did a smile graced his lips._

_"Miyako had befriend Rukia just before we both agreed to this." Kaien looked up and saw the slightly pained look on Kyo's face. He missed Miyako worse then Kaien ever could. _

_"Tell her tonight, I want to meet the girl that had befriended my beautiful Miyako. She often talked fondly of Rukia like a sister even." Kaien felt his heart pinch as he listened to Kyo talk of times with Miyako._

_**End Flashback**_

"Kaien?" Rukia's voice called out uncertainly as she entered the dark room. The back door was open so she proceeded to there and found Kaien sitting on the deck staring out at the stars.

"You wanted to see me?" She whispered feeling slightly frightened, her stomach had knotted on her way here and her heart wouldn't slow for the world. Kaien nodded without looking at her and patted the wooden surface next to him. Rukia sat down trying not to shiver in the cool air.

"I wanted to tell you the truth about me and Miyako." He said softly. Rukia turned her head surprised and curious.

"What truth?" She asked. He turned to her a smile playing against his lips.

"We were going to separate." Rukia's jaw dropped and her eyes shot wider then dinner plates.

"What? Why!" She demanded shocked.

"I thought you guys were so happy." Kaien smiled at her actions which made her blush.

"We were happy but we had become more like friends then lovers. We each agreed truthfully that we should remain friends and move on to someone else that we cared for. Miyako found someone and so did I." That statement seemed to sadden Rukia.

"Oh." That was all she could say. _I hope you'll be happy with her, _Rukia whispered silently feeling tears rise up in her body. _Don't you dare cry Rukia._

"Is that who you went to see?" Kaien blinked then smiled.

"Yeah." He answered simply. Silence crowded around them quickly.

"Don't you want to know who I fell in love with Rukia?" She took a deep breath and turned to him a fake, forced smile against her pale skin.

"Yes, I would like to know." She didn't want to know. She didn't want him to tell her that he loved someone else. She wanted to love him, she wanted him.

"Well she's very close to me." He sighed leaning back on his hands.

"After Miyako died I was a little distant from her, but I couldn't stay away I loved her to much." Rukia nodded wanted very much for him to stop telling her how much he loved this stranger. It burned her heart like each word was filled with acid.

"I've loved her for a long time, but couldn't tell her because I didn't think she was ready." He glanced at her his usual playful look plastered thick on his face. She winced inward at the fondness in his voice. He really must love this woman with all his heart.

"Can you guess who it is yet Kuchiki?" He asked grinning. Rukia shook her head completely oblivious.

"No." She answered blinking at him innocently. She wanted to leave but she didn't. Kaien sighed and sat straight again. He scratched his black hair and glanced at her softly.

"Its you Rukia. I love you."

A/N: Ok sorry its kinda short next chapter up soon promise probably is the last chapter Idk for sure Please review and thanks for reading my story!! :D


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok heres next chapter please enjoy!!

Chapter 6

_"Its you Rukia. I love you."_

"Kuchiki?"

"Kuchiki ya there?"

"Rukia!" The loud shout of her name finally brought her back to reality and she stared wide eyed once more at Kaien. He frowned at her his eyes searching through her dazed expression.

"Rukia?" He said softly almost like a whisper. She heard the slightest sprinkle of fear in his voice.

"I-I…I don't know what to say." She stuttered lowering her eyes the deck they sat on. Her heart hammered in her chest threatening to leap out and plop down in Kaien's hand.

"You don't have to say anything you don't wan to say Rukia." The gentle touch he added to her name made her heart pinch. _Say it back! Say it back!_ Her mind screamed but her lips remained locked together. She did love Kaien, but she…didn't feel like she deserved his love.

"Rukia I loved you long before Miyako died." Kaien said as if reading her thoughts, or her expression.

"Rukia look at me." She jumped as his hand grazed her cheek and pushed her face up to look at him. Her face flushed at the rare feel of his touch so gentle against her skin. He gazed down at her holding her eyes in his. His handsome face pulled the corners of his lips just a little as he saw her blush.

"Don't look so scared. I just said I love you, not I'm gonna kill you." He chuckled lightly but his grin saddened as he held her face in his hand.

"_Are_ you scared?" He asked. Rukia gulped and looked down, but he moved her face forcing her eyes up again.

"I….I…I don't deserve this." She whispered finally unable to tear her eyes away from the hurt look in his eyes.

"You deserve it Rukia. Everyone deserves someone that loves them." Kaien's voice sounded strange to her ears. She stared at him but she just couldn't pick it out.

"But Kaien I-" Her voice broke as he leaned in closer to her. He stopped just an inch from her and stared.

"Rukia, don't do this." He whispered shaking his head.

"I'm sorry Kaien." She whispered trying to lean back out of his hands and stand to her feet but he caught her face again and brought it up to his lips.

Rukia's first thought was to struggle and resist but she couldn't. Kaien's lips pressed against hers tenderly moving slowly showing her that he loved her. They were warm and sweet and everything Rukia could have imagined. She wanted to resist, but she felt herself leaning into his kiss and his arms wrapping around her body.

Then a sudden imagine of Miyako's smiling face flashed before Rukia's eyes. The smile slowly slid into sadness and a tear rolled down the woman's cheek. _Be happy my Kaien, I understand that you no longer love me_. Miyako whispered in Rukia's head. She yelped pulling back from Kaien quickly. He looked confused and concerned about her sudden outburst. Rukia's eyes couldn't erase that imagine of Miyako from her mind.

"Rukia what's wrong?" Kaien demanded staring at her tearful eyes.

"I can't." She whispered shaking her head back and forth as a tear curved another scar upon her.

"Rukia!" Kaien shouted as she scrambled to her feet.

"Rukia!" She scrubbed at her tears running with all her speed from Kaien's presence. She couldn't, she just couldn't. Not after killing Miyako. It was like all his earlier words had completely vanished from her mind. He'd loved her before Miyako died, and had planned on telling her anyway. They _Both_ had someone else they loved. Kaien loved her, but did Miyako really love someone else? Or had she said that so Kaien wouldn't feel guilty about leaving her? Rukia's mind buzzed with questions that struck at her heart.

Would she have reacted differently or with the same reluctance if Miyako hadn't died. Could she have gone through the days seeing Miyako without Kaien by her side? She could never replace Miyako. She was in no way the woman Miyako was. She didn't deserve his love, not after what she did to Miyako. Her friend.

A/N: Ok short I know but its hard to write long ones for it in my blocked condition. Please review and thanks for reading and being so patient with me.!!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A/N; Ok here's the next chapter please enjoy sorry for the long delay.

Chapter 7

Rukia woke in the morning. No, she rather sat up from her bed and started to get ready. She hadn't slept at all and she could feel the dark bags weighing her body down. She was so confused. She did love Kaien, but she didn't deserve him. Miyako had been perfect for him. Always smiling, always laughing, always by his side. And Rukia had taken her from his side. Taken her smile, and her laughter. She'd left the world a little quieter when she killed Miyako and that would haunt her forever.

After getting ready for her duties Rukia moved quickly from the house and slipped away before her brother was able to stop her. She'd heard Kaien come to the house last night. Very late in the night. He'd probably hoped that Rukia had been asleep.

_**Flash Back**_

___"Is she asleep?" Kaien's voice was worried and Rukia could practically see the frown lining his face._

_"She hasn't made a sound or moved all night. She wont even open the door." Byakuya's voice showed just the slightest sound of concern._

_"I never thought she'd react this way." Kaien mumbled. Rukia heard him plop down in a chair close to the wall. Of course he had to sit in the one spot closest to her room. Byakuya said something, but it was to quiet for her to hear._

_"I did. I told her everything. But she still ran off." There was a pause and Rukia heard Miyako's name mentioned._

_"I told her about that too. Told we both agreed, she either doesn't believe me of she doesn't love me back." It was a bitter chuckle._

_"She loves you Kaien. Don't doubt that. She just give her time. I'm sure she'll understand." Byakuya said cool and calm. Kaien sighed._

_"I wish she'd hurry, I've been waiting to tell her for a good year or so." Rukia's heart pounded and a new weight of guilt was land down on it. _

_"She loves you Kaien. Don't doubt it. Just give her time." Byakuya repeated and Rukia could hear the concern for his friend in his voice. _

_"She's the only thing I have left, I hope she'll realize that." But his voice was to soft for Rukia to hear this. _

_**End Flashback**_

Rukia managed to walk slowly towards the third squad grounds where she'd receive any assignments for the day. Or a mission if she was lucky. She really needed a few days to be out by herself let her mind sift through all the things that had happened.

"Hello Rukia." Rukia looked up surprised that she'd reached the third squad so quickly.

"Hello Captain." Rukia responded trying to keep her voice normal.

"So, how did your talk with Kaien go last night?" He asked smiling brightly at her. It slipped though when he saw tears forming below her lashes.

"It went fine Captain." Rukia's reply was shaky.

"Oh, but…I thought…and he…" He started moving his hands in all different directions looking very confused.

"Are their any assignments for me Captain?" Rukia interrupted quickly. He still looked very confused but nodded.

"Yeah, just in."

Kaien's feet dragged against the ground as he made his way to the office. The reaction last night was still on his mind. She'd looked so happy to hear that he loved her, but then she looked so sad.

"Damn." He growled aloud making a few heads swivel his way as he passed.

When he reached the office the Captain was waiting for him on the deck.

"What happened last night?" He demanded before Kaien even had a chance to greet him. He scowled lowering his eyes.

"She freaked out basically." He mumbled planting himself down by his captain. He sighed holding his head in his hands.

"She's still feeling guilty about the death of Miyako. I've tried everything I can she just can't get it out of her head. It wasn't her fault. She set Miyako free." Kaien looked at Ukitake who was staring at him.

"I'll just have to keep her close, and keep reassuring her. I'm sure she feels the same. She's just burdened with guilt." Now Ukitake looked nervous. Kaien narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"What did you do?" He demanded watching the captain babble on about a bird that only he could see.

"Tell me." Kaien's voice was cold and Ukitake sighed.

"I sent her on a mission."

"What!" Kaien roared.

"She asked I didn't think you…I thought she…I didn't know I'm sorry!" He watched Kaien bounce to his feet.

"Where did you send her?" He demanded.

A/N: Ok end there. Sorry it took so long, this chapter's not that good but I'm trying! Please review and thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

A/n: Next chapter Please ENJOY

A/n: Next chapter Please ENJOY!! :D

* * *

Chapter 8

_**Kaien's POV**_

Maybe I shouldn't go after her? I stared off into the distance right outside the office. I was waiting for the next group to leave on missions. I was to accompany them and then break off and find Rukia once they got where they needed to be.

Maybe she'll be fine alone.

No. I shook my head. She wouldn't be alright. Burdened with guilt a person could forget themselves, make a clumsy mistake and loose their life. Rukia was in no condition to be out risking her life fighting hollows.

What was Ukitake thinking? Sending her out there, he had to have seen the way she's been acting. The way she never seemed to smile, and mean it. How she avoided eye contact and any mention of Miyako. She was just not ready to be out there.

What am I going to say when I see her? That was defiantly a issue. She'd been so distraught, avoiding me too. I went to the Kuchiki house early this morning hoping to walk with her, talk with her. But when I got there she was gone. Byakuya hadn't even seen her leave.

"Kaien." I looked over my shoulder hearing the captain's voice.

"Time to go."

_**Rukia's POV**_

_**Three hours later**_

Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the mission. The rain is pounding down on my face, I can barely see. The rain is hurting me. Its beating against my wounds, blood is being washed away into the dirt.

Maybe I should have stayed with Kaien. I felt my heart pinch as I thought of him. I wish I could have told him how I felt. But its to late now. I can hear it coming closer. To finish me off.

"I'm not afraid of you." Just that short sentence left me breathless and cringing in pain.

"That's such a shame. Fear is so delicious." The sickening sound of its tongue running across the white mask made me shudder. I could hear the foot steps as it came closer.

Maybe it was better this way. Maybe this was some way the universe was having me pay. Pay for murdering someone who didn't deserve to die. I know Kaien would be mad if he knew what I was thinking.

I couldn't hold back a cry of pain as the hollow grabbed my body. My limps were limb as it raised me in the air. I forced my head up to look at it. My eyes were dark and defiantly.

"You sure look tasty my dear." He licked his 'lips' again and opened his jaw revealing rows of sharp white teeth.

"I'm sorry Kaien." I whispered closing my eyes. My senses dulled out as pain drove me into unconsciousness.

"Tasty, tasty." The voice was so far away even though I was so close.

Suddenly I was falling. I must be dead now, and falling to Hell. But I can still hear the rain. There's a voice. Loud, angry, and unfamiliar. I feel like I'm floating but the ground hits me hard. I feel so weak, I can't hold on.

"Its going to be alright, just hold on." Some thing is picking me up. Carrying me away.

"Wh-whats…" My words slurred and I slipped from consciousness.

_**Kaien's POV Three hours after he left, so present time I guess….**_

Great its raining, I bet that's bring happy memories back to Rukia. I hope she's ok. I can feel her spiritual pressure, but its so far away, and it feels weak.

"Just be alright Kuchiki." I couldn't hold back the fear in my voice as I ran through the trees. This was eerily like the night Miyako died. Me running to find Rukia before something else did. I had to save Rukia.

"Rukia!" I froze hearing her voice cry out suddenly.

"Rukia!" Panic sets in and I run faster then I've ever ran before.

I stare as I come out of the trees five minutes after I heard her voice. I had a horrible feeling that I was too late. There's blood on the ground in a puddle like someone had been laying there. Blood all over the clearing.

"Rukia?" My voice is shaking that's when I heard laughter.

"You're too late." A hollow limps out from the trees. Its missing an arm, a leg, and has several deep gashes all over its body.

"Wheres Rukia!" I shouted gripping my sword tight.

"I ate her. She's dead!" The hollow laughed, then collapsed. I feel like I'm completely numb.

"She was tasty, crying and begging for her life." My whole body is shaking.

"Are you Kaien?" He laughed again the sound becoming gargled.

"She was so delicious." I raced over to the monster and finished it off with one sweep of my sword.

"Rukia." Dropping to my knees as the hollow disappeared. My sword dropped into the soggy ground as I buried my face in my hands.

"Rukia I'm so sorry." I lifted my face to the sky mingling the rain with my own tears. She's dead, and its my fault.

"I love you Rukia." My hand reached and gripped my sword. I raised it up in front of me and saw my reflection on its blade.

"One more life for you." I whispered moving to plunge the sword into me. I had no will to live when everything I cared about was dead.

"Kaien what are you doing!" Ukitake moved to quickly knocking the sword from my hands.

"You followed me?" I asked with no feeling in my voice.

"I thought you could use the help in finding her."

"She's dead." Ukitake's face twisted in horror.

"I'm sorry Kaien." His voice was quiet and I barely heard it.

"She's dead."

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A/N: Ok here you go hope its not bad? I got the idea suddenly and thought that it would be a good way to continue the story. Just in case anyone's confused Rukia's not dead, someone saved her, but Kaien thinks she's dead. But she's not. Please review and thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Ok heres next chapter

A/N: Ok heres next chapter. My flash drive at the two chapters I had done of this so now I have to rewrite both chapters T.T…so please enjoy worked twice as much for this lol

Chapter 9

Rukia groaned as she started to wake. Something was being pressed against her forehead. It was cold, and stung. She swatted at it quickly and heard a half growl, half laugh. That startled her since she was supposed to be dead.

"W-Who are y-" Her eyes popped open but she couldn't finish her sentence. The pain ripped through her body sending out a painful cry into the air.

"Hey hold still. You not well enough to be moving." The voice was unfamiliar and as the pain settled her eyes didn't recognize the face either. He was a soul reaper like herself. His hair was brown with bangs that hung across his brow line and his eyes were an amazingly beautiful blue color that made him strikingly handsome. (A/N: anyone guess yet? :D)

"W-where am I?" Rukia whispered hissing in pain at every word. The stranger ignored her frowning down at her side.

"Oh great you went an re-opened the wound." He started growling as his hands pressed against her side. Rukia swore she heard him say 'dumbass' somewhere in there, but she was in to much pain to shout at him.

When he was finished he looked mighty proud of himself, well he did until he saw the look Rukia was wearing.

"What's your problem?" He demanded.

"I'm alive." His mouth hit he ground as his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Rukia turned her head to look at her surroundings. A cave. They were in a cave. A fire was going in front of them and her sword was leaning against the wall. There wasn't much to look at.

"Who are you?" She asked turning back just as the stranger regained his composer.

"Kyo." His voice was soft and his eyes stared at her intently. She felt uncomfortable in that stare, like he was waiting for her to say something.

"You don't know me?" He asked blinking in surprise.

"Should I?" She responded.

"Well I thought Kaien would have told you about me." His name fell heavily on Rukia. Her head moved back and forth slowly.

"I was supposed to marry Miyako." Tears blurred Kyo from her sight almost immediately.

"Hey no don't cry." He said quickly trying to sooth her.

"I'm…I'm sorry." She choked out.

"No, none of that." He whispered rubbing his thumb over her arm.

When Rukia finally stopped crying she fell asleep. Kyo grinned as he watched her sleep. Kaien was lucky he still had the one he loved, and she loved him back. Now he just needed to get her home so she could tell him.

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A/N: Eek! That was not the same as the first chapter but I completely forgot all I said XO…Well be glad you got a chapter at all. Next one up soon hopefully, and longer. Hopefully. Please review thanks for reading!!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Ok next chapter hopefully none will be eaten in the future. XO so annoying!! Next chapter here you go.

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Chapter 10

When Rukia woke next Kyo was sitting next to her still looking half asleep. When he saw her wake he sighed rubbing his eyes.

"Scared me for a second you did." He grumbled looking at her through his fingers as he rubbed his entire face.

"How long have I been sleeping?" She asked relieved she could speak more easily.

"All day, its almost morning." Rukia looked over at the cave entrance surprised. It was still dark, so she thought it was still the same night as when she got attacked.

"No one's found us?" She whispered. Hadn't anyone come looking for her?

"I don't know. I put up a barrier there's a lot of stray hollows draw by your pressure." Kyo scratched the back of his head making Rukia think of Kaien.

"Kaien and the others probably think your dead."

"Ah! No what I say!" Rukia had been holding back tears now she released them with a loud sob, and cry of pain. Kyo fluttered all around her waving his arms trying to calm her down. _Oh, Kaien._ Rukia's mind sobbed.

"Jeeze, note to self don't talk about him till you're better." Kyo growled when Rukia finally stopped crying.

_**Kaien's POV**_

Some how I woke up in my room the morning after Rukia's…death. The word sent shudders down my body and stabbed at my heart. I couldn't believe it, but how could I not. I'd been there. I'd seen her blood, heard her cry. Heard that damn monster boasting about ….I shut myself up before I hit something again. My hand was already wrapped in bandages. Though I couldn't remember exactly what I had hit last night.

Ukitake must have got some people to carry me back. I wish he just would have let me die there. I would have been happier. I would be with Rukia.

_**Three days later**_

Ukitake tried everything he could to get me out of bed. He didn't want to believe it either but I couldn't deny all the evidence. He even went as far as to drag Byakuya into it all. The older brother to Rukia was cold towards everyone, more then usual. He didn't believe his sister was dead.

_"If you've given up on her, then she is as good as dead."_ His words burned in my head, but he hadn't been there. He along with several other volunteers had been sent out to try and look for Rukia, but none had been successful.

Ukitake tried to get me to see my family, he said they would help me like when Miyako died. But no one could help me. Miyako's death had been hard, but this was unbearable. I loved her too much to live without her.

"Kaien get up right this instant! I can't believe your still sleeping" Ukitake's voice interrupted my mindless thinking. Why did he think I was asleep? I hadn't been asleep for the three days. I didn't move just laid there still as stone. I'd been a complete zombie since Rukia…died. The word still caught in my throat every time I thought about it.

"Up, up up!" He wasn't seriously jumping on my bed was he? Damn who gave him caffeine again? (An: I know ooc but I thought it would be funny :D)

"Yep that's it up up!" He wore the hugest, most annoying smile on his face; it made me want to punch him. How could he be so cheerful after losing Rukia? She was like a daughter to him in many ways. Maybe it was just a brave front for me.

He grabbed my arm hurling me across the room. I stumbled catching myself on the door frame as he swept pass me.

"Come now I have a surprise for you." I followed behind him my head down and eyes closed.

_**Normal POV**_

Three days passed in the cave and finally Rukia was healed enough to make the journey back to the soul society.

As she woke Rukia looked over to see Kyo already cleaning up the cave. Sitting up slowly she stretched her sore limbs. It wouldn't be long now.

"Ready Kuchiki?" Kyo called coming back to her.

"Yeah." She got to her feet.

"You sure?" He asked catching her arm as she wobbled on her feet.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She said firmly, though she let him guide her out of the cave.

"He's going to owe me for life." Kyo laughed stepping out into the bright sunlight. Rukia inhaled deeply glad for the warmth and fresh air. During those three days full of free hours Kyo had given Rukia a little lesson on life. She was ready to face Kaien now, she was ready for everything.

_**Back to Kaien!! :D**_

I finally managed to tone out Ukitake's talking. But that gave me silence instead. Silence and of course I thought of Rukia. I missed her so much. My Rukia, my world my soul. I should have been there to save you. I should haven't let you go into danger.

I miss your smile, I miss your laugh. I miss your blushes too. I remember once she had fallen asleep at our training area. I put her head in my lap letting her sleep more comfortably. I remembered how beautiful, and peaceful she looked while sleeping. Though I moved her before she woke. I remember her face turning bright red.

Ukitake looked back pausing in his chatter with a frown. I had laughed, a bitter, far away sound. The captain turned away still frowning, considerably more quiet now.

"Where are you taking me?" I demanded finally. We were outside the walls standing up on a hill.

"Yo Kaien!" I turned my head and frowned to see my sister and brother waving at me as they came out of the forest.

"What are you two doing here?" I demanded not at all happy to see them. I told Ukitake I didn't want to see my family yet.

"He said you wanted to see us."

"Well I don't." I could see the comment hurt them but I wasn't in any mood for them.

"But Kaien." Ukitake whined. I wheeled around my mouth open ready to shout but it stayed open as another voice entered the conversation.

"Yo Kaien! Look what I brought you!"

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A/N: Ok should be only one more chapter after this, hope you guys are enjoying my story. Please review thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Ok heres next and last chapter enjoy

A/N: Ok heres next and last chapter enjoy!! Sorry bout the cliff hangers but they make the story good ;)

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Chapter 11

"Yo Kaien look what I brought ya!" Kyo. That was Kyo's voice. His head turned slowly away from his captain and his eyes slid past his brother and sister. Kyo hadn't been seen since Rukia's death.

"Kyo what are you…." His voice trailed off into silence when he saw someone he thought never to see again coming behind him. Limping slightly, and a smile on her face.

"Rukia." Ukitake breathed his eyes wide in shock.

"I thought she was supposed to be dead?" His sister said softly watching Kaien's expression. Blank. Was he seeing her too?

"Kaien are you there?" She asked rapping on his head with her knuckles. His mouth opened but nothing came out.

"Is he alright?" Kyo asked finally reaching them. Rukia was lagging behind him suddenly so nervous her whole body was shaking.

"I don't know." His sister voiced frowning at him as she crossed her arms. Finally Rukia could delay no longer she stepped to the small group standing back just in arms length.

"Rukia?" His voice was shaky and when she looked up his eyes were shinny like he had tears in them.

"Yes." She wanted to kick herself, that's not what she wanted to say. Three days gone by with her to think about all that happened and that was all she managed to say to him? She could feel Kyo's frown on her.

Kaien took a step forward his hand, shaking, as it reached out for Rukia's face. His fingers slid delicately past her cheek sinking into her dark, raven hair. It was soft and silky just like he remembered. It laced through his fingers as his hand traveled further back into her hair.

Her face smooth and unscarred. It felt as soft as melted butter as it passed underneath his fingers tips. His fingers curled around her ear coming back to trace her jaw.

"Kaien I-" But at the mention of his name so light and soft against her lips she was pulled forward. She gasped at the strength as she was crushed against Kaien's chest.

"Rukia. Rukia." He whispered she could hear his voice quaking.

"I thought you were dead." He hissed in her ear. Rukia gasped pulling back just far enough to see his face. His eyes were closed and he had tears falling down his face. He pulled her close again and buried his face in her silky hair.

Rukia wanted to say so many things but her throat closed off and she couldn't speak. Her arms shook as they rose from her sides and circled around Kaien's back. It was as much for his touch, as for support. Rukia had been tired when they reached the soul society, now she felt completely drained.

"Hey Kaien I think you-" Kyo started seeing Rukia's face pale suddenly as her little hands clung to his back.

"Rukia!" She went limp and fainted in his arms.

"Don't yell at me!"

"No's she's fine. No don't do that! She's just tired!"

"Stop yelling at me I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Kaien shut up!"

_**Kaiens POV**_

This was unreal, but such a blessing to me. To see Rukia's face, alive, again. I'd carried her all the way here after she fainted. The others tried to get me to leave her side, get some sleep myself, eat even but there was no force in the universe that would tear me from Rukia's side again.

I laced my fingers through hers as I sat besides her bed. Her hands were warm and soft. To think she was dead, and given up on her completely, the guilt was weighing me down. If Kyo hadn't been out there she _would_ have died.

"K-Kaien?" Her voice startled me and I looked up quickly. Her eyes were half open slowly waking.

"Hey Kuchiki. How you feeling?" I asked squeezing her hand. Her eyes shifted to our hands and a blush crept across her face.

"I'm fine Kaien." She whispered, but I could tell she was more awake now.

"Kaien I'm sorry." She started and I frowned at her.

"Why would you be sorry." I felt her hand tighten in mine.

"For the way I reacted…" She whispered as her blush darkened. I smiled trying to sooth her.

"Don't be Rukia." I whispered. She chewed her bottom lip obviously struggling as tried to say something.

"But Kaien I…" Her voice cracked again and her eyes shook.

"Sh, its alright." I ran my hand over her face smiling at her.

"K-Kaien I love you!" She actually shouted it. Her eyes squeezed shut and her face was scarlet. I was quiet and started to shake.

"Rukia look at me." I sat down on the edge of the bed placing both hands against her face. Her eyes opened slowly and I saw the small pool of tears forming behind her lashes. She stared up at me with her beautiful violet eyes and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

I leaned over her so that our noses touched. I smiled at her and closed the gap between us. I lightly brushed our lips together seeing how she would react. She leaned into the kiss wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me down against her. I laughed breaking the kiss for a moment. Leaning in again I put everything I had into the kiss.

When I pulled back she gasped her blush still clinging faintly to her cheeks. She stared up at me as I stared back at her.

"I love you Rukia. I'll make sure to keep you safe from now on." I promised.

"Idiot."

"What?" I demanded.

"You can't make a promise to keep me safe, when our job is to fight monsters." I laughed at that and picked up in my arms to a bone crushing hug.

"I can sure as hell try, Kuchiki." I laughed burying my face in her hair again. I felt her arms wrap around my back and sighed. This was how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to be here, and I was supposed to be here. And we were supposed to be together forever.

"Sleep my love. I'll be here always." I whispered lightly in her ear as I laid her down on the bed again. I moved to sit on the chair but she grabbed my wrist and pulled me down besides her.

"That's a promise I'll hold you too." She smiled up at me as she circled my chest with her arms and lowered her face on to my heart.

"I'll keep it, Rukia."

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A/N: Ugh…I'm sorry I'm horrible with endings I guess its sweet…ish lol.. oh well I'm thinking about making like an epilogue? Right that's what its called? Yeah but no promises lol. Please review and I hope you enjoyed my story as much as I did!!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Ok heres the Epilogue just because I'm SUCH a nice person

A/N: Ok heres the Epilogue just because I'm SUCH a nice person!! Hehe no I wanted to write it anyway. Please enjoy! Don't really know what these things are about so don't bite my head off if its not it lol….seriously idk what they are tenchnically lol

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Epilogue

"I'll be alright Kaien. He is my brother." Rukia giggled pushing Kaien back as she walked into her brother's office. He'd heard about her coming back but had unable to go and see her last night. It silent ate at him that she had to come to him.

"Hello brother." She said quietly her head bowed as she stood by the door. Byakuya looked up his same calm look on his face. He stood without a word and crossed the room in one fluttering of his cloak.

"Its good to see you again, Rukia." He whispered barely giving away any emotion as he wrapped Rukia up in a hug that made her gasp.

"I should have you taken off duty for good." That was his best try at a joke and Rukia smiled.

"You and Kaien both." Byakuya's lips quirked at the ends just the faintest hint of a smile on his handsomely cold face. She hugged back hesitantly.

"Ok that's long enough give her back!" Rukia laughed hearing Kaien's call outside the door.

"Go on. Be careful." Byakuya's lips pulled back further into a smile that made Rukia feel so warm inside.

"Thank you." She whispered before leaving again.

Byakuya stood in the doorway of his office watching Kaien and Rukia walk away hand in hand.

After practically everyone in the soul society got to see Rukia again it was near dark. Kaien actually had to carry her home because she was still not fully recovered and all walking and hugs had worn her out. Kaien didn't mind, either did Rukia. Though she blushed the whole way back.

"That was the most I think I've ever walked." Kaien complained sliding Rukia out of his arms. She smiled sleepily up at him as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Well tomorrow we have duty." Rukia mumbled already half asleep.

"No Ukitake gave us time off." Kaien climbed over Rukia and layed on the other side of her. She rolled over into his chest.

"Why?" She mumbled.

"Your not serious are you?" He laughed. Her hands clung to his shirt and he frowned.

"Are you alright?" He didn't receive an answer, just a sniff.

"Why are you crying, Rukia?" He whispered running hand down her head.

"I'm not she protested." Worming her arms round his neck now. He chuckled putting his arms around her as well.

They were quiet for a while and Kaien began to worry she'd fallen asleep on him. He needed her to awake for this, and he couldn't wait to ask her later.

"Rukia." He shook her shoulder a little. The following growl told him she had been asleep.

"Wake up I need to ask you something." Her head lulled back and her eyes narrow slits of tired violet color stared back.

"Well?" She demanded he grinned at her and she blushed.

"Will you marry me Rukia Kuchiki." If she'd been asleep now, she was wide awake. Her eyes shot open and her mouth dropped.

"I….I…I…" She stammered still in shock. He waited stroking the side of her face till she finally regained herself.

"Kuchiki?" He asked half grinning at her. She frowned a real serious look on her face.

"No." His eyes went wide. "Its Shibe now. Not Kuchiki."

"That was not cool Rukia you scared the shit out of me!" Kaien complained while crushing her to him. She laughed from his chest and looked up at him.

"Bed time." She whispered after he pulled away from a breath taking kiss. He laughed again and nodded.

"Alright, weddings in the morning anyway."

"What!"

"That's why he gave me time off, everyone knows about it." He laughed seeing her face go scarlet.

"You don't mind do you?" He laughed watching her blush slowly fade.

"Your lucky I love you, or you'd get hit right now." She growled burying her face against his shoulder again.

"Rukia…"

"Go to bed." She whined but she looked waiting for him to continue.

"I love you."

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A/N: Ok end end….i guess that's how a epilogue is supposed to go right? Lol hope you enjoyed it!! I'm glad Kaien and Rukia finally got their happy ending lol….Sorry if I spelled his last name wrong I can't remember lol I'm tired…Please Review thanks so much for reading!


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